Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
wow bdsm is so cute
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
