we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
