is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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