is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize