i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
