Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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