I heard we made out
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
