Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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