I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize