I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
