Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
