he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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