Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
