That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
