I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
