So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
