now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
