I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
