i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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