only if we run a train.
done.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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