I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
