i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
