apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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