She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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