Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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