stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
