..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
