I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize