if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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