Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
