But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
