Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My feet surprised me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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