I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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