he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
