last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
