i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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