yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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