dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This is my gift to your gina
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
