Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
