i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
