i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I didn't shave. On purpose
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize