I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
