You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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