Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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