8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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