WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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