ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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