I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
