I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
