My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
