Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
There are leaves in my underwear?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
