Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize