that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
