does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
