i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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