Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
