Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize