There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
