Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
this boner is exhausting
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize