he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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