i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
