We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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