great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
