you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
