I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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