i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
