he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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